This is a personal story of someone who almost committed suicide, but did not. This girl heard a song on the radio and that is what changed everything. The girl I speak of is me.
I was in ninth grade. I was being bullied, a lot of people I was close to had just died, and I had a mysterious medical condition. I was scared, I was depressed, and suffered from anxiety, but I never let it show. As far as everyone else was concerned, I was a happy person.
I prayed and prayed for it all to end. I even prayed multiple times to go to sleep and never wake up. I was tired of all the pain and random attacks that occurred throughout the day. I wanted it to be over for good. So I decided to take my life. I set up the day and just how I would do it.
Finally, the day had come. It was after school, and I was heading to the bathroom to grab the pill bottle. My parents were in the other room. Right as I was about to unscrew the cap, I heard the radio come on. It was a Christian station. This station was always playing so I did not think anything of it. Then, as I popped off the top of the bottle, I heard it. It was the song “He Said” by Group Crew 1.
I might let you bend but
I won't let you break and
Oh-oh-oh
I'll never let you go.
I dropped the bottle and fell to my knees. Tears were running down my cheeks at this point. I realized that when I thought I was suffering alone, God was right there with me the whole time. No one knew about my almost suicidal attempt until years later.
In my third year at Super Summer (a camp at Mississippi College in Clinton, Mississippi for young Christian leaders), I was encouraged to open up. My friend, Bonnie, and my small group leader, Bethany, encouraged me to tell my story. I started small. I told my small group which consisted of 10-15 people.
Everyone was shocked. My friends from church talked to me afterward. They had had no idea. That night, in the main worship service, we were encouraged to share something on social media about what we had experienced while there. So, I combined my story with art and posted it. I drew a breaking heart, and each crack was a word. The words were things I had dealt with throughout life.
About twenty minutes later, I had several messages. Many had gone through or were going through the same situation. Through my story, God was able to help reach other kids struggling in the same way. In fact, with His help, I was able to keep ten people from attempting suicide.
You might never know who is struggling with suicide around you. I encourage each one of you to show everyone love and kindness. Encourage them with Scripture and worship songs. God has a purpose for everything, even if you do not see it at the moment.
Attempting suicide is a bad solution to a small problem. After attempting, you will feel guilty for so long, knowing you almost left your family and friends and everyone you love to mourn over you. If you are dealing with any of these, please talk to someone. Trust me, you will feel so much better once that burden is off of your shoulders.
Maddie King
(Editor's note: this blog was first posted HERE at the Engage Magazine site)
