Five types of needed friendships

We live in a time when social norms of friendship are rapidly changing. Experts are raising concerns about a “friendship recession,” where fewer people report having close, meaningful relationships, even as loneliness becomes more widespread. While experts opine, parents are trying to help their children navigate friendships in cultural chaos.

Online friendships are increasingly common, but they often lack the depth and richness of in-person interactions. Expectations around online inclusion and responsiveness (or lack thereof) can lead to digital stress, as social media amplifies misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts.

Friendships are more quickly labeled as “toxic,” and people are increasingly inclined to “unfriend” or cut off contact – both online and offline. Meanwhile, romantic relationships are often prioritized, especially with the rise of dating apps, while friendships fade into the background. The emergence of AI-generated companions is a deeply troubling trend, offering customizable “friends” that seemingly meet (and potentially manipulate) emotional needs without the authenticity of real human connection.

Popular media often portrays unhealthy friendships that normalize destructive, sinful behaviors, such as coarse language, substance experimentation, unrealistic availability, standardized betrayals, drama-driven storylines, and self-centeredness. These and more are increasingly transferred to real-life friendships.

Another growing trend, known as “friendflation,” reflects rising expectations for friendships to center around expensive experiences like destination weddings, elaborate celebrations, and social media-worthy events.

God designed us to live in community, and it’s vital that we seek out godly friendships that encourage, edify, and spur us on toward good works. I encourage you to intentionally cultivate these five types of friendships in your life and help your children pursue them too.

INTERCESSOR– Everybody needs someone on standby to pray for them when asked. Who is a spiritual mentor, a church friend, a godly relative, or an older friend you can ask to intercede in prayer on your behalf? Ask if you can text or call that person with prayer requests as needs for prayer arise. (James 5:16)

COUNSELOR – Every person needs wise counsel to navigate the worries of this world. This can be professional, pastoral, or informal. Who is that godly person you can trust to tell you what you need to hear, even if it’s delivering tough truth? Identify someone you can go to for trusted advice. (Proverbs 27:6)

HEALTH CARE PROVIDER – Every person needs health care services. Do you have a primary care clinician you literally trust with your life? Invest the time to find someone who shares your worldview, someone you can partner confidently with to address your medical questions and care needs. (Proverbs 27:17)

RIDE-OR-DIE – Every person needs a soul-level friend, someone who appreciates the unique way God made you. This is someone who celebrates you at your best and lifts you up at your worst. This is the person you can call in the middle of the night for anything. Many people long for this type of friend, but instead of waiting for this person to appear in your life, ask yourself to whom you can start offering that kind of friendship. (Proverbs 18:24)

Someone in the same boat – Every person has his or her own trials and traumas to bear in life. How comforting it is to have companionship in the journey. It could be navigating new baby journeys, toddler tantrums, divorce, widowhood, infertility, financial stress, caring for aging parents, a child with special health needs, a cancer diagnosis, turbulent teen years, or any number of things. Who is that person in your life who just gets it and has a realistic and empathetic perspective of your situation? (Proverbs 17:17)

I pray that God will richly bless the friendships in your life, that they will strengthen and edify your family to pursue emotional, social, mental, and spiritual health.