Hearts over homework

Each August, I eagerly await the parade of back-to-school photos that inevitably flood social media. I have great affection for nervous smiles, freshly combed hair, proud and wistful parents, and hilarious photobombs and fails. These are beautiful markers in time viewed with nostalgic fondness. Each photo represents a year of possibility, a season of change, a new beginning.

But if you look closely, each photo tells a greater story.

There is evidence of shopping trips for new clothes after summer growth spurts, deliberation that went into choosing a backpack, and grocery shopping for lunches. You’ll spot parents who came to orientation armed with color-coded binders, carpool maps, and a mental spreadsheet of every teacher’s discipline style. They’ve filled out the same form for each child – six times – booked checkups, and ordered glasses, while issuing heartfelt pleas not to lose them. Their kids have been coached through first-day jitters, friend-making strategies, elective dilemmas, and pick-up procedures. And of course, there’s the annual “Oh, Mom, not another photo!” protest – tradition at its finest.

All these things are seen in one seemingly simple picture.

Expectations are high. Parents often present their children as mirror reflections of their own aspirations and dreams. How will they do on standardized exams? Will they get into a good college? What kind of scholarships will they earn? What honors will they accrue? What sports will they play?

When the COVID-19 pandemic began and students experienced a radical shift in education delivery, pundits predicted a massive catastrophe of kids falling behind in math, reading, and science. Five years later, consensus shows that although there are certainly resulting academic detriments, the far greater deficit occurred in social and emotional learning. This is critical for scholastic readiness and healthy relationships as well as for cultivating resilience and nurturing well-being. The pandemic lockdowns didn’t just close schools – they closed off childhood with social, emotional, and psychological injuries impacting generations to come. Kids lost more than lessons; they lost the joy of friendship, and they lost the guidance of caring adults in their lives. Children were robbed of interactions that shape empathy, wise decision-making, resilience, and character. They were left to navigate new norms in isolation and fear, leaving a deeply anxious generation profoundly lonely.

While most adults acknowledge this reality, our actions and priorities often fail to reflect it. Let this be a reminder that character matters. Relationships are more foundational than rigor. As your children, grandchildren, and loved ones start the school year with academic or athletic aspirations, consider the following ways you can prioritize support for their character development, spiritual maturity, and relational connections:

• Pray for your children, that God would protect and bless them while giving you wisdom to guide with kindness, love, and courage.

• Commit to learn to be a more faithful follower of Jesus. Your children will learn alongside you.

• Choose to be your children’s teacher, no matter their educational setting. Your children learn best from your presence in their lives. They won’t be permanently harmed by subpar test scores, but they can be deeply hurt by lack of guidance in handling their emotions as they navigate life’s challenges.

• Equip your children to set a character goal for the year, choosing a quality (kindness, courage, patience, joy) they want to grow.

• Take photos as reminders of character demonstrations rather than academic achievements. Choose to see character over commendation.

It’s not about creating the perfect photo or the perfect moment or the perfect circumstance. It’s about raising a whole, healthy human who learns to love God and serve others.