Years ago, when our two kids were grown but unmarried, the family was sitting around the living room talking about how the years had flown by. Their mother and I were explaining how bittersweet that was, and my daughter asked me if I had any regrets.
I said, “I regret not having more children.”
She was taken aback by my answer and asked, “Weren’t we enough?”
My daughter had misunderstood my comment. She thought it revealed some deficit in the kids we did have and assumed I meant having more children would have fixed that.
“You don’t understand how love for children works in the heart of a parent,” I said.
My wife and I had lost one child to miscarriage between our daughter and son. Otherwise, we would have had three children, each three years apart. Being in the ministry, money was always tight, so we were trying to plan our family carefully.
That means yes, we used birth control. We never even considered questioning that practice, and for much of my adult life, I was oblivious to the theological implications of it. In fact, I thought discussions around the use of birth control were only a “Catholic thing.” I was evangelical, so what did I care?
As I became more widely read, I realized there were plenty of discussions going on among evangelicals, too. Moreover, as my wife and I passed childbearing years, I began to wonder if I hadn’t been hoodwinked by blindly accepting the world’s way of “family planning.” Had I been unwittingly deprived of the inexpressible joy that comes with every single child?
What I was trying to express to my grown children, however, is that love does not empty out like orange juice poured out of a carton, and when it’s empty, there’s just no more juice.
Love is more like sunshine; it’s a renewable resource. It only needs an object, and every child becomes an object for that love. If we had had five children, we would have loved the other three just as much as the two sitting in that living room with us. Six kids, seven – it wouldn’t have mattered. Love expands to embrace them all just the same.
However, what if you can’t have kids at all? Most people undoubtedly live their entire lives with the expectation that they will one day get married and have children. But what if a husband and wife discover that they can’t conceive? What if a couple must contemplate never being given such a treasure?
It’s not as uncommon as you might think. According to the National Institutes of Health, 12% to 15% of couples are unable to conceive after a year of trying.
AFA has been a pro-life ministry since its inception, and for the most part, that emphasis has remained focused on standing against abortion.
However, this issue of The Stand magazine covers some additional pro-life topics, such as foster care, adoption, the sorrow of losing a child, and the civilizational threat of demographic shifts in fertility rates.
The most controversial topic of the issue, however, will undoubtedly be infertility and the technological solutions to that heartbreaking issue. Be forewarned: The debate over in vitro fertilization (IVF) is contentious. As Christians wrestle with this difficult subject, people in the church will wind up disagreeing – sharply.
Still, Christians need to have this discussion. The church always needs to be clear-minded whenever a culture wrestles with the sanctity of human life.
So, we want to welcome you to AFA’s initial foray into the fascinating and controversial topic of assisted reproductive technology (ART). Our hope is that our learning curve will help you in your journey.
(Digital editor's note: This article was published first in the January/February 2025 special pro-life issue of The Stand. Click HERE for a free six-month subscription.)
