I was almost sixteen when I made my first Instagram account. And while at the time it seemed like I was light years behind my peers, who made their first social media accounts around the age of ten or twelve, I really don’t regret it.
If anything, I’m thankful my parents made me wait. It’s sobering now to think of how much time I’ve spent mindlessly scrolling instead of investing in real-life, face-to-face relationships or worthwhile hobbies.
According to a 2023 Gallup survey, U.S. teenagers spend almost five hours a day on social media. That’s five hours a day of immersing themselves in another, fictitious world. That’s five hours a day of comparison. That’s five hours a day of exposure to online predators.
However, by helping your teen form healthy habits while walking in a right relationship alongside them, social media can be transformed into a tool for connection, encouragement, and maybe even a little bit of fun.
Searching to belong
As a member of Generation Z, I feel like I grew up alongside social media. Although I’m too young for Myspace, the social media of my generation (Instagram, Snapchat, Musical.ly which has now become TikTok) permeates almost every aspect of our being.
Looking for after-school club updates? Youth group hangouts? Your best friend who moved to another state? What the mean girl on the volleyball team said about you?
It’s all online.
For a teenager who is not online, it can feel isolating and even embarrassing (which sounds melodramatic as I write this at twenty-one years old, but the early high school years were harder than we give ourselves credit for).
Teenagers crave acceptance and a sense of belonging. If they aren’t finding that in real life, they’re going to search for it online, whether through likes, direct messaging strangers, or the mere escape found through endless scrolling.
Children under the age of 13 should not use social media. Period. Most social media platforms don’t even allow it. But after your teenager turns 13 when the inevitable conversation containing their request to join social media arises, what happens?
As the oldest of four, I’ve accepted my fate as the family guinea pig (and don’t get me wrong, it certainly has its perks). When I first approached this conversation with my parents, they cunningly helped me make my “own” decision.
Together, we researched studies on the effects of social media to create a “positives” and “negatives” list. After seeing which way the scale tipped, I decided I wasn’t ready.
My parents didn’t have to fear-monger me. They didn’t flat-out reject my request. Instead, they equipped me to understand the weight of my choices and they engaged me in meaningful conversation that gave me the sense of belonging I would have instead of aimlessly searching for it online.
A few years later, when I decided I might be ready to use social media, my parents and I revisited the list we made. From that list, they had me draft a “contract” of sorts. As long as I abided by the rules of the contract, I could use social media.
And let me tell you, when I first downloaded Instagram, it felt as magical as it could to a sixteen-year-old girl. The world I had been “missing out” on for years suddenly opened at my fingertips. But after a few days, the magic wore off. It was just another app on my phone. While I looked at the middle-school content that plagued my peers (because what you post never truly goes away), I was thankful for parents who cared enough to say no. I was also thankful for parents who cared enough to explain why.
Forming healthy habits
No individual will have the same experience on social media. It’s frightening how intimately algorithms know our interests and what will keep us engaged. Whenever I created that first “contract” with my parents, many of the conditions were specific to our relationship and who I was at the time. However, there were a few general guidelines I think are vital for any teenager to have a healthy relationship with social media.
- Privacy is key
As I mentioned before, ensure your teenager is aware that anything they ever post has the potential to resurface. Even if they think they are sending a private image or message to one individual, remind them trust can be broken. Remind them to evaluate the helpfulness or usefulness of what they send before they send it.
To build online trust, teenagers should only follow people with whom they are close friends in real life. Scam accounts are smart. They may follow the public accounts of people your teenager knows to make it seem like they are a real person. To ensure privacy, require your teenager to create a private profile with a generic name and a generic photo that does not reveal their face – minimal clues they may be an adolescent whose brain is still developing.
- Tracking their time
Social media is an endless portal to the online world. Without time reminders or restrictions, it’s easy to get lost in scrolling and miss out on living in the real world. Set a time limit with a password only you know. This practice is good for social media users of any age; even in college my roommates set time limits and entrust one another with the passwords to create accountability.
- Always an out
Remind your teenager if they ever make a mistake, send something they regret, or see concerning content that you are always a resource. Don’t make them afraid to come to you; that only serves to escalate the problem.
Social media is an enormous source of connection in today’s world, and it is possible for teenagers to steward it responsibly. As they grow and search for their place of belonging, remind them true acceptance is first and ultimately found in Jesus. But also remind them you are right there beside them, as their coach, cheering them on.
