As I have said before, time does not heal all wounds. In fact, I can say from experience that time really does very little when it comes to missing someone you love who has relocated to Heaven.
It has been one year and twenty-two days without seeing or speaking with our son. I honestly miss him more today than I did a year ago on this day. If you think about it, that makes sense because this is the longest we have ever gone without talking to our child in the 37 years we had him here on earth.
Now, saying all that, I can also say without hesitation that God has been with us and carried us through these past 388 days. He has not only sustained us, but we have seen His hand at work every single day of our lives since Chris died. We have experienced times of great joy and laughter, and we will continue to enjoy every single day God blesses us to live.
But … that does not negate the longing in our hearts to see our child, and I seriously doubt it ever will. I do believe that as time goes on, that longing will become one of greater and greater expectancy. Even now, it makes our thoughts of Heaven sweeter, more vibrant, and so very real.
We have also learned a lot over the past year, things about ourselves, our family, and the mighty God we serve. Some of those things make me laugh, and I have even told Jesus more than once that I probably could have lived without really knowing some of the things we have learned. But nevertheless, we have learned and are still learning!
One of the things we have learned is about holidays and days of great importance or significance.
At first, we really braced ourselves for those days, especially considering that our family loves big gatherings to celebrate any occasion. If you have ever celebrated any of those days with us, you know that Chris Lucius was the Ring Master of all family events. He loved every minute of every celebration, and his love, laughter, and sarcasm orchestrated each day’s events.
So, family time without Chris is … different. Very different. The celebrations are much less loud and boisterous, devoid of some of his contagious joy. And our family games and competitions may never be the same because he always, always, always played to win – be it Monopoly, Egg Hunts, or even impromptu outdoor swimming games in the dead of winter.
Yep, holidays and special days are not quite the same as we knew them before Chris went Home. As such, we learned very quickly to brace ourselves for those times. It was kind of like pumping ourselves up for Game Day!
But the funny thing is, it’s really not those special days that hurt the worst. It’s actually the “day after” that gets to us the most. I know that might sound crazy, but it is the absolute truth.
Take this past 4th of July holiday, for example.
Now usually, we have a huge family cookout, and the kids stay in the pool all day long, while the adults hover safely around the pool’s edge as lifeguards and strategic interventionists. We play yard games as a large family group, and we eat multiple times per day, kind of like a herd of cows continually grazing lazily in a sunny field.
But last year, only two weeks after Chris’ death, it was awful. We tried! We really did, but the 4th of July celebration fell flat. So, this year, the younger generation knew better. They all had ready excuses to keep their kids at home and celebrate elsewhere. Sans Chris and sans grief.
I really couldn’t blame them! None of us have yet to figure out how to successfully navigate holidays without Chris – yet. We will, but it is a work in process for now.
So, three of us girls just gathered under the umbrellas on the edge of my sister’s pool and rested. We did not decorate or dress up. And we did not cook. Instead, we just bought a bunch of premade goodies and relaxed. It truly was a peaceful and love-filled day. Together, we successfully survived one more holiday without Chris.
And then came July 5th, the “day after.”
From sunrise to sunset, my husband and I both had a tough day. Neither of us really said anything aloud, but it was obvious that it was tough.
Finally, toward the end of the afternoon, my husband finally remarked that he sure was struggling. I merely hugged him and nodded my head in agreement. I said a silent prayer over our shared aching for Chris.
Then, I laughed and remarked on the fact that holidays are tough, but somehow, the “day after” seems even harder. We pondered that thought momentarily, and we both came to the same conclusion.
No matter how hard you prepare yourself for the big day, it just can’t prepare you for the feeling of waking up on the “day after” and realizing that Chris is still gone, the pain is still there, and it will still be there tomorrow as well.
Now, if this is all way too morbid for you, I am sure I lost you several paragraphs back. But if you also struggle with those “day after” feelings like we did, then let me share what God shared with me in His Word. In fact, He reminded me that He was very familiar with those “day after” battles.
In Matthew 27, we read of the Friday morning crucifixion of our Savior, Jesus Christ, the perfect, sinless Son of God. It was a dark day for His followers and for His family. Imagine what His mother Mary felt as she wept at the foot of The Cross!
Even today, as Believers, we understand that it was such a pivotal, important day. Yes, that important day at Calvary is still a sobering day, and we are so grateful for it.
But at the end of that dark, desperate Friday, they took His precious Holy body down from that Cross, and they hastily prepared his body, put it in that borrowed tomb, and left their beloved Jesus there in the darkness of that death chamber.
Then, try and think about the “day after.” Just imagine their confusion and fear and doubt and regret and shame. Can you feel their sorrow and their loss? Think of the questions that must have run through their minds. And most of all, try and imagine their absolute hopeless despair.
Talk about the worst “day after” in the history of humanity! They were feeling as low as mankind had ever felt before – and ever would again.
Because they had no idea what was really occurring on that horrifying “day after.” We at least have the story written out for us in Matthew 28, but they had no advantage of hindsight.
They could not imagine that on that “day after,” Jesus was repossessing the keys to Death, Hell, and the Grave. He was taking captivity captive and forever freeing us from the certain and unpayable penalties of our sin. He was doing what we could have never done, and He was doing it all – right then and there on the “day after” His bloody, undeserved death on that hill called Golgotha.
So, stop and celebrate with me!
His “day after” made way for the Day of Resurrection.
His “day after” made every day after that possible.
And His “day after” became our “day of.” Our day of salvation. Our day of victory. Our day of freedom. Our day of laughter. Our day of deliverance. Our day of rejoicing. Our day of never-ending, blissful peace with Him. Our day of reunion. Our day of eternity. Our day of life everlasting. Our day of forever.
In fact, it was the best “day after” ever!
And take heart, my friends. No matter what happened yesterday, our God won this “day after” for us, long, long ago on the “day after” Calvary!
