What is the ultimate aim of parenting? Is it to equip our children with all the tools they need to excel in life? Is it to raise responsible citizens? Is it to mold good, well-behaved adults? While these are all laudable objectives, there can be only one primary goal: to raise our children in the knowledge of God. Even if everything else fails, children born to Christian parents must at the very least know the Creator who made them.
Naturally, we teach our children by means of our words, reading the Bible to them, praying with them, and taking them to church. However, an often overlooked way of teaching is through our actions and interactions with them. Regrettably, this is where we often fall short.
Why is it so hard for our parenting to align with our professed beliefs about God? It is because the way we truly perceive God as a Father will shape how we treat our children.
The nearness of the Father
We may be more likely to justify being distant from our children if we see God as a distant figure. We may find it easier to prioritize our own needs and desires over the needs of our children rather than being present and engaged with them. This can lead to a disconnect and a lack of trust in our parent-child relationship.
God is never distant or detached from us. “Am I a God near at hand,” says the Lord, “And not a God afar off?” (Jeremiah 23:23 NKJV) Similarly, we should make closeness with our children a priority and ensure that we are actively engaged in their lives. We should make time to connect with them, listen to them, and show them that we are present and available for them.
The unconditional love of the Father
Similarly, if we regard God's affection as conditional, we may approach our children in the same way. We may only show them love and affection if they meet certain criteria or behave in a certain manner. This can cause our children to feel anxious and insecure because they believe they must constantly earn our love and approval.
God's love is unconditional, and He offers it freely to His children. “’For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has mercy on you” (Isaiah 54:10). This means that there is nothing we can do to earn or lose His love. We should also strive to love our children unconditionally. We should offer them love and affection regardless of their behavior or performance.
The patience of the Father
If we see God as an angry figure who is quick to punish and condemn, we may be more inclined to punish our children. We may be more concerned with correcting their behavior than with understanding the underlying emotions and needs that drive their actions. This can result in a fear-based relationship between parent and child.
While God does discipline us, He does so out of love and for our own good. He seeks to correct us, rather than condemn us.
They refused to obey, and they were not mindful of Your wonders that You did among them. But they hardened their necks, and in their rebellion they appointed a leader to return to their bondage. But You are God, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, abundant in kindness, and did not forsake them (Nehemiah 9:17).
We should adopt the same approach. We should discipline our children when necessary, but we should do so with love and understanding. We should seek to understand what is going on beneath the surface of our children’s lives, and work to correct the behavior while affirming our love for them.
The discipline of the Father
If we believe God is at peace with sin, we may become more permissive and lenient in our parenting style. We might put our children's desires and comfort ahead of their moral development and character formation. This can lead to a lack of accountability and responsibility in our children because they do not learn the value of making good choices and accepting responsibility for their actions.
God is not at peace with sin, and He calls us to live according to his moral standards. “If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?” (Hebrews 12:7) We should instill in our children the importance of making good choices and living a moral and responsible life. We should teach them the value of accountability and responsibility and help them to understand that their choices have consequences.
Parenting in the pattern of God
So, how can we ensure that our parenting practices are consistent with a correct view of God? First, we must examine our own relationship with God. Is it defined by fear or by love? Do we see God as remote or near, conditional, or unconditional, punitive, or compassionate? We can become more aware of how our own beliefs influence our parenting by reflecting on these questions.
Second, we must look for positive examples of godly parenting. This could entail learning from other parents who share our values and beliefs, or seeking advice from counselors who can provide insight and wisdom. We should also go to scripture and prayer to gain a better understanding of God as a loving and compassionate father.
Finally, in our interactions with our children, we must demonstrate empathy and understanding. We can build stronger, more meaningful relationships with them by attempting to understand their needs and emotions. We can model the grace, forgiveness, and compassion that we see in God's character for our children.
