The Gift We Need

“Tis the season to be jolly” … or so they say in our favorite Christmas carols. But it can be very difficult to navigate this “most wonderful time of the year” with a grieving heart. In fact, battling grief at Christmas can almost seem impossible at times.

According to GriefShare, a North Carolina-based, nondenominational, nonprofit ministry that has served more than 20,000 churches worldwide since its inception over 25 years ago, it is perfectly normal for “intense sadness to come with the holidays after the loss of a loved one” – even for dedicated followers of Christ.

Randy Alcorn, pastor, author, and founder of Eternal Perspective Ministries (EPM), completely agrees, especially since navigating the holidays following the March 2022 death of his beloved wife Nanci.

In a recent blog from EPM, “For Those Entering the Holiday Gauntlet of Grief,” Alcorn noted:

The holiday season is challenging: Christmas is the toughest, then Thanksgiving. Nanci’s birthday is four weeks before Christmas and that’s hard, too. And then there’s December 7, the anniversary of the day we met in 1968 as freshmen in high school, and it keeps going until Valentine’s Day and then March 28, the day of Nanci’s homegoing.

But Alcorn and other members of EPM who have suffered personal loss continue to successfully navigate the holidays (and everyday life) with the joy and hope offered freely by Jesus Christ, and their latest blog offers some practical advice for doing just that.

Their timely advice begins by reminding readers, “There is no fool-proof or perfect way to face the days that lie ahead, but you too can build rhythms that support and comfort you as you face the holidays without your person.”

But EPM’s five tips for navigating the gauntlet of grief suggest that people should: “1. Plan ahead; 2. Hold your plans loosely; 3. Focus on your body first 4. Phone a friend, and 5. Forecast joy.” (Find the full explanation of those five tips in this helpful EPM blog by clicking HERE.)

Like EPM, GriefShare also wants those who are grieving the loss of a loved one (or even the loss of a job or other meaningful relationship) to understand that grief is nothing to be ashamed of. They even offer a free ministry video, entitled “Surviving the Holidays,” which reminds those in mourning of practical strategies to navigate the holidays. (Here is a page on their website that offers a list of nearby GriefShare groups to join, if so desired.)

But to those who are not ready for a GriefShare group or cannot find such a ministry in their local area, let me say from personal experience that God never leaves us or forsakes us, even in our darkest days of grief.

When our youngest son, Chris, died in the summer of 2023, after a lengthy battle with leukemia, I literally dreaded that first Christmas season without him. After all, no one in our family, kids or adults alike, loved and enjoyed Christmas more than Chris Lucius.

From his earliest days onward, he pondered for days and days on the exact, perfect gift to give each of us. And honestly, he was the best, most sincere gift-giver I ever knew. He had a God-given ability to know exactly what each of us wanted without us ever even voicing our desires. He just seemed to know the secret longings of our hearts, and he loved giving us those gifts – such as the last real gift he ever gave me, a string of beautiful pearls.

Even at his funeral, dozens of grown men went through the visitation line to tell us of precious gifts and gestures our son gave them, everything from their favorite candy to his most prized earthly possessions. Yep, Chris was a gift-giver, and I dreaded Christmas without a gift from my generous, loving son.

And to be honest, I was right. Christmas without Chris was bleak, no matter how many times I reminded myself that my child was celebrating his first Christmas with the King of Kings, the babe born long ago in that Bethlehem manger.

Don’t get me wrong; I was grateful for the gift of Chris’ salvation and eternity in heaven, just as I was grateful for my own promise of eternity. The fact was that the first Christmas without my own baby was just hard. It still is.

But during that first Christmas of 2023 and then again in 2024, God gave me some of the most unexpected gifts that reminded me that He is with me and will never abandon me, even now, when my heart still aches to share Christmas with Chris once again.

Sometimes, those Christmas gifts were momentary and fleeting, seen only by me, and truthfully, I cannot even recall all of those seemingly silly little grief gifts. But I do remember that they often involved the innocent hearts and hugs of little children and the tender affection of animals – including Chris’ own dogs. Those were especially cherished gifts, since Chris had loved animals his whole life.

In fact, Chris’s wife and I (neither of whom were natural pet lovers until Chris came along) recently discussed how our pets have repeatedly helped us navigate our grief over the last 2.5 years. It’s like they instinctively know when our hearts are hurting and snuggle up to us at exactly the right time to prevent the tears from flowing.

A few days ago, as she decorated her trees for Christmas, she sent pictures of their family dog and Chris’s ancient ol’ cat, both curled up beside the twinkling tree as she added the finishing touches to her beautiful holiday display. And later, she laughed and pondered whether those two pets had any idea what Christmas really meant.

“Well,” I responded with my own giggles, “animals were some of the only witnesses to the very first Christmas on earth. So, if the cows and the sheep and the donkeys knew enough to worship the newborn King, then maybe our pets do too. Who knows!”

What I do know is this … the pictures that she sent me of Chris’s pets nestled around the Christmas tree were just another example of the sweet gifts God sends me to help me navigate the gauntlet of grief during this holiday season.

And most amazing of all, the One sending those gifts to me is the very same God who gave His only begotten Son so that I, my son, his wife, and our family will not perish but have eternal life with Him, forever celebrating the best Christmas gift of all – Jesus.

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