Another negative pregnancy test.
Early last year, I sat back with tears in my eyes, wondering if I would ever be able to hold a precious baby of my own. After being diagnosed with some health issues, it was beginning to feel and look like this dream of being a mom would never come true.
I wish I could tell you my first move that day was to continue to pray, but in my pity party, I couldn’t stomach the thought of hearing the Lord potentially tell me it wasn’t meant to be. Instead, I sat back and sulked.
Days later, a friend reminded me that we were (at the time) nearing the season of Lent and that I should consider fasting and praying to prepare for the upcoming Easter holiday.
According to Merriam-Webster, Lent is “the 40 weekdays from Ash Wednesday to Easter observed by the Roman Catholic, Eastern, and some Protestant churches as a period of penitence and fasting.”
In 2017, Lifeway Research reported that only 24% of U.S. adults participate in this practice.
Coming from a Southern Baptist church, I don’t recall learning much about Lent. In my close circle, I never knew of anyone who had participated in it. So, when my friend explained the process, I listened intently. By the time she finished explaining, I had decided that if I believed Jesus came and died for my sins and rose again on the third day, the least I could do would be to give up something important to pray and prepare for the upcoming holiday.
I chose sugar.
For 40 days, there were no cookies, cakes, or sodas allowed. I couldn’t have it if it had an ounce of added sugar. When the urge to taste something sweet arose, I was reminded to take time and pray.
That first week was hard. As my body began to detox from the everyday sugary indulgences, I began to grow short-tempered and angry. I prayed harder than ever. By the halfway point, I noticed that my spiritual walk with the Lord (and attitude) was the best it had ever been. However, that's also when pride began to creep back in. As Proverbs 16:18 teaches,
Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling.
At this point, my thoughts of Easter and what Christ had done for me slightly shifted. I was once again focused on that baby I so desperately wanted. I just knew He would give me what my heart so strongly desired. After all, I had given up something to focus on Him. That’s how it worked, right?
At a routine doctor’s appointment, my physician told me again that there was no baby yet.
I came home shattered.
“But Lord,” I begged. “I have followed You and prayed to You and given up something for You!”
By the time my pouting ended, I realized that there was only one question left to answer.
Would I still serve Him? Would I finish this fast I had started?
With tears again in my eyes, I could only nod.
I continued.
He was all that mattered, even if my baby never came.
Easter was quickly approaching, and I was – for the first time – genuinely excited and prepared to celebrate the holiday unlike ever before, focusing solely on my Savior. Baby or not, my faith and hope in the Lord had never been stronger, and that was finally enough for me.
Imagine my surprise when, just five days before Easter, I learned the tests at the last doctor’s appointment had been wrong - and a second, thin, pink line appeared.
I had sought the Lord, who had given me the desires of my heart. He was faithful.
Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).
This year, the season of Lent begins with Ash Wednesday (today) and continues through April 17. Lent offers a unique opportunity to grow in our walks with the Lord and prepare for Easter Sunday. I encourage you to choose something important to you and forgo it for 40 days. I can’t promise He’ll answer your most desired prayer during this time, but I can assure you that if you follow through with your fast, you will celebrate Easter in a fresh, new way, more in love with the One who gave it all for you.
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:12-13).
