I have learned a lot of things over the last 17 months since the death of our youngest son Chris. To be honest, I have repeatedly told the Lord (somewhat laughingly) that I probably could have lived my entire life without most of this grief-garnered knowledge.
But some of the things I have learned are precious, more valuable than mere words can express. Mainly, I have learned (just as I had always claimed) that Jesus never, ever leaves us or forsakes us, even in our darkest nights. In the moments when we cannot even trust ourselves, He is there, unwavering in His love and mercy and grace and truth. He is I AM THAT I AM, and that is forever settled in heaven – and in my heart.
I have also learned that grief is never fully understood by anyone, not preachers, teachers, counselors, family, friends, or even those who have experienced it firsthand. Grief is just grief, new every day and different for every person traveling along its road. There are a few helpful road signs, but for the most part, it is a new and unknown road for every traveler.
And I have learned that my family and friends are valuable, more valuable than gold, especially the ones who are filled with His precious Holy Spirit. But even those precious, Jesus-filled individuals are NOT my true source of hope. They are merely the hands and feet of Jesus, helping me to stand when I would rather stay piled in a heap on the floor.
But they cannot carry me once I stand, and they cannot fill the longing in my soul to see and hold my child. Christ alone promises me the eternal hope of being with Chris again, when we will worship together around the feet of our Savior. It is that Savior alone who is my sustainer and deliverer. He alone carries me, minute by minute. Yes, Christ alone is my hope.
And because of that hope in Jesus, here’s the other, most amazing lesson I have learned through grief: Love never dies!
Now, the truth is, that lesson is one that wounds me and heals me at the same time.
It hurts, of course, because I realize that I must carry this love for my child even though I cannot see or hug or hear or speak to him again until I die. My love for Chris simply is. It is real and deep and unending, but also unreturned … for now. And yes, that truth is painful and hard to imagine, much less endure.
But it is also so beautiful to know that God created us with such an amazing capacity. Just think! We are able to love. Try and imagine life without that feeling and emotion. What a sad, sad existence that would be. But God, in His infinite love for us, created us to love and be loved. It is almost inconceivable that as self-centered and evil as we are by nature, we still were granted the gift of love. What a God we serve!
He is Love, to be truthful. That is Who He is!
In fact, the God of the Universe loved us fallen, sinful creatures so much that He sent His only Son to die in our place. To offer us forgiveness of our sins and life eternal with Him. Yes, my friends, He is Love, and His love for us never dies. It literally rose from the grave and defeated all our foes of sin, death, hell, and the grave. What love!
So, yes, I knew about that love, but not like I know it now.
Before Chris’ death, I definitely knew the biblical truth about God’s love. I learned of that love from verses like 1 Corinthians 13:13, “But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love,” and Lamentations 3:22, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end.”
Way before that, even as a child in Sunday School class, I learned about that love; His name was Jesus. So, I gave my heart to that Love as a youth, and I lived for that Love my entire life. I married a man who has loved me with that love for 45 years. We walked in the love, we raised two grown men in that love, and together, we watched one of our sons take his last earthly breath, safe and secure in that love.
But with Chris’ last breath, I began a journey of walking in that love like never before, on a bittersweet journey of tears and sadness intertwined with joy and laughter. And as I walked in that love after Chris died, I continually had one overwhelming thought: that love – His love – never dies.
That love, the eternal, unending love of Jesus, has carried me and sustained me with hope and assurance for 17 months, and it will continue to carry me home. I know that for sure.
It is a lesson learned from grief, a lesson of tears and joy, a lesson of beauty and brokenness.
And it’s a lesson I wanted to share with you: Love never dies!
Please accept His unending love today.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life (John 3:16).
