(Digital Editor's Note: This article was first published in the September 2023 print edition of The Stand.)
The U.S. observes Grandparents’ Day the first Sunday after Labor Day each year. In recognition of that day, Dr. Josh Mulvihill, family advocate and prolific author, granted The Stand an exclusive interview focusing on biblical principles of the right relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren.
With a Ph.D. in family ministry, he was a pastor for almost two decades and is now executive director of church and family ministry at RenewaNation. Mulvihill and his wife Jennifer are raising their five children in Minnesota.
The Stand: How does the Bible address grandparents?
Josh Mulvihill: Many people think the Bible doesn’t have much to say about grandparenting because if you look through the Bible for that term, it only shows up a few times. However, God’s Word uses different terms to [discuss] grandparenting. What the Bible uses to describe the role of a grandparent are terms such as father’s father, children’s children, son’s son, and forefathers.
TS: What biblical role is given to grandparents?
JM: God has given grandparents the role of being disciple-makers. One of my favorite passages is Deuteronomy 4:9, which talks about watching your heart and life. The second half of that verse talks about teaching these things to your children and your children’s children. That’s where we start to get a glimpse of the prescriptive role – this teaching role – that God gives to grandparents. Grandparents are to teach God’s law. It not only teaches morality, right and wrong, but it’s also evangelistic.
TS: Are there other similar Scriptures?
JM: Another passage is Psalm 78:4-8. … It’s very God-centric. We’re to talk about the work of God, the character of God, and teach the law of God. In this Scripture, we are given a four-generation vision that God gives [parents], not only for [raising] children but grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Verse 7 [includes] the phrase so that. So we do these things – tell the testimony, teach God’s law, and have this multigenerational vision so that the next generation will place their hope in God and keep His commandments.
TS: How can the body of Christ be more intergenerational?
JM: An intergenerational church is all ages worshiping together corporately, and if we can’t do that, we can’t do family well at church. Families need to be together at church rather than separate. Today, most churches have multiple hours on a Sunday morning, allowing for multiple engagements on different age levels.
For example, I want to use the analogy of a Thanksgiving dinner. We often have the parents’ table, the adults’ table, and the children’s table. That’s fine once in a while. But what if every night of the week, we had the kids’ table in our home, and then we had the parents’ table? That would begin to impact the health of that family unit pretty significantly.
The same is true for our church. On a regular weekly basis, it needs to be everybody eating at the same table. This begins in corporate worship, extends to family worship, and enters into discipleship areas.
TS: What are the most important things grandparents should teach?
JM: They should teach their grandchildren to obey all that God has commanded. It’s part of the role of a grandparent. Many grandparents don’t see themselves as teachers, but that is exactly what God has called grandparents to be. When grandparents silence their lips or do not teach, they’re living out of alignment with what the Bible requires of them.
TS: What about grandparents who are retired?
JM: At the very end of Psalm 92, the Bible compares those in old age to a palm tree. Palm trees live to be quite old. I’ve read that these trees can get over 100 years old and bear 150 pounds of fruit in their old age.
The picture for us here is God’s expectation for us. We are to be fruit bearing. Our culture tells us that older age limits our fruit-bearing capacity, whereas the Bible says it actually increases it.
A passage like Psalm 92 is a death blow to our view of retirement, where we escape work, and it becomes a self-indulgent season of life. The Bible doesn’t ever speak highly of a self-indulgent season of life. This idea of moving away from your family and trading warmth and comfort for the calling of God is foreign to Scripture.
TS: What issues might grandparents encounter in “hearing” this call from God?
JM: The biggest issue is confusion about their biblical role, not understanding what God calls them to in Scripture.
Second, I think many Christian grandparents have absorbed society’s ideas about what it is they are supposed to do. I summarize those ideas as independence and indulgence where grandparents spoil grandchildren, prioritize fun, and live emotionally, spiritually, and often physically disconnected lives from the rest of their family.
A third issue is that society treats grandparents as extras rather than essentials. This is true for families, the church, and of society itself. Because grandparents have no real role other than indulgence, they get pushed to the periphery.
And finally, I would say another issue is long-distance grandparenting.
TS: What other encouraging words do you have?
JM: My encouragement is to be intentional with time together, with what can be done to make that time special as a family and strengthen relationships. Teach diligently as you weave these important faith components into these milestones and holidays.
Friends come and go, teachers will be present for a season, but grandparents are unique in that they span the life of a young person in the young adult years.
I encourage grandparents to see this time of life as the giving season with their families. So that means flexibility as to when family gatherings happen – the time and the location. We all have perceptions and assumptions of how wonderful it will be, and often it doesn’t end up being that way. I think releasing some of those expectations and being willing to adjust so that it works for adult children and grandchildren are huge.
TS: What is the importance of prayer in grandparenting?
JM: Committing to pray regularly. Prayer needs to be elevated to a place of importance.
Second is to pray Scripture for your family. There’s nothing more powerful than God’s Word and choosing a verse for each grandchild or a series of verses for all the grandchildren. And pray those verses over them.
Also, pray together with others who can care and share with you in the ups and downs of life – it’s life-giving.
