(Editor's Note: Today's Guest Writer is Jade Hollyfield who is on the AFA staff. This article was published first in the January/February 2023 print edition of The Stand.)
Confronting someone who has offended you is not an easy task. Confronting someone who claims to be a fellow believer but has caused offense to you is also not easy. But God did not call us to avoid confrontation - He called us to be people who reconcile and accept situations that will cause not only us to grow but also the person we are engaging with. Having peace within any kind of relationship, whether it’s spousal, parent-child, or even co-workers or colleagues, takes humility. Peace is not the absence of tension, but it comes from carefully applying the truth of the Scriptures to a situation in grace and love.
The two primary reasons people tend to choose to be passive or people pleasers are that they don’t like confrontation, and they are often not carefully applying the Scriptures. Matthew 18:15-16 is clear on how believers are to handle offense or any form of hard encounters.
If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses’ (NIV).
It is not by avoiding, but by facing the challenge head-on that we can find peace. God gains more glory when we apply the Scriptures in our daily lives than when we merely nod our heads to what the Scriptures say. God did not call us to live life easily. No one grows when things are easy. We only grow in the challenging times of life.
Think about a diamond. Intense heat and pressure are needed to form a diamond. Some stones take shape in a matter of days or months, while others take ages to materialize. But the result is a beautiful, glittering diamond. We cannot forget that sanctification is a process, and we must endure being sanctified by the pressures of life.
When someone has offended you, their actions tend to run through your mind a long time after the interaction. That is a sign it is time for you to seek out the Scriptures and watch God work. It may not always end the way you desire, but I promise you even if it does not feel like it, there will be growth occurring within you.
Confrontation is a difficult thing. In the past, I have tried to avoid confrontation. I didn’t want to offend anyone, I didn’t want to make waves, and I certainly didn’t want to upset anyone or cause any tension. But what the Lord has shown me is that confrontation is something that can bring about spiritual growth in our own lives as well as those around us.
When confronted, people may respond with anger or defensiveness. They may lash out at you with words or actions. They may even deny what they did wrong and refuse to make it right. But these responses just mean that the Holy Spirit is working in your life. And He will continue working in you as long as you continue seeking Him.
For Christians, it can be uncomfortable when someone confronts us about a shortcoming in our lives. It can feel as if we’re being accused and judged. Yet as we mature and become stronger in our faith, we begin to understand that this is a necessary part of growth.
We are all human, and we will make mistakes. However, we need to be humble and accept correction, even rebuke, from other Christians. This will give us the opportunity to grow in the Lord.
The Bible tells Christians that when we find ourselves in a disagreement with another believer, we must never resort to anger or insults, but instead humble our elves and show our brother or sister the respect they deserve.
