(Editor's Note: This blog was written by Adam Borcicky who is interning with The Stand's Engage division.)
In my early twenties, it seems like all my friends and classmates are either in a romantic relationship, engaged, married, or having a baby. I see it all over social media. As a single man, it can be very discouraging at times. The Devil will attack me with feelings of loneliness and depression.
There are times when I would ask the question in prayer, “God, why are you not giving me someone?” I would run around in my head to think of reasons why I’m single. Is God punishing me? Are my expectations too high? Am I just unlovable?
The truth is, God loves me and is protecting me, growing me, and preparing me for a future spouse. Being content in singleness is all about mindset. I believe that if you have a strong desire to marry, God most likely has someone for you. However, if we dwell on these desires, we will lose sight of the promises God has for us. I want to share four truths about singleness that will help in times of loneliness or depression.
You are in God’s hands.
You may think that because you do not have a significant other, you are missing an essential part of your life. You may think that having a spouse is the only way to be happy. The truth is that in most cases, married couples are not living the perfect life. They have their own problems to tackle.
As Paul writes in his letter to the church of Philippi, “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content” (Phil. 4:11 NKJV). God wants us to be content regardless of our circumstances. Whether single or married, young or old, rich or poor, God will take care of us. Whenever we compare our lives to others, we lose sight of God’s providence for us, and we sink into depression. This will cause jealousy and envy. So be content where you are. Enjoy this day God gave you, for you will never have this day again.
You are in God’s timing.
Pastor Jeff Schreve shared in a sermon a story of bringing his daughter’s lunch to school. He asked her what time lunch would be and waited until then to bring it to her. When she saw him right at lunchtime, she was furious. She assumed he would bring it right after she asked him to, but instead, he brought it to her right on time.
How often do we assume that God will bring us exactly what we ask for, as soon as we ask for it? How often do we get mad when He doesn’t answer us in our time? Like Pastor Jeff, God gives us exactly what we need at the exact time we need it.
God’s Word says, “Be still and know I am God” (Psalm 46:10a). The world is a fast-paced society where we must get everything done as fast as we can. God tells us to be still. God has already planned our future (Jeremiah 29:11). We should be still and know God’s timing is always perfect.
You are in God’s mission.
The Great Commission tells us to “Go and make disciples” (Matt. 28:18-20). It does not say to live the American Dream by building a family or having a good-paying job. Though these things are important, they are not the most important things in life.
The Apostle Paul makes this statement in 1 Corinthians: “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord- how he may please the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:32 NKJV). Paul is not saying that married men or women do not care about God. Rather, he teaches that single people have fewer distractions.
If you are married, the focus is on your family. But if you are single, you can focus on the calling God has placed on your life. When our focus is on God’s mission and the calling He has for us first, He will bring us a spouse (Matthew 6:33).
You are in God’s love.
Lastly, it is forever true that God loves you. When you feel unloved or unappreciated, God is still there. God ultimately gave His Son to die for us (John 3:15) and there is no greater love than that (John 15:13). When the world casts you out or makes you feel that you are worthless, God says that He still loves you, and can give you better things than what the world has to offer.
In this time of singleness, never, ever think that it is a curse. I am not saying that it is easy, because I still struggle with these thoughts. But rest assured, God is allowing you to experience this for your benefit. He is preparing you and your future spouse so that you two can have a blessed and happy marriage. I urge you during this time of singleness not to worry about being lonely, but to chase the call of God in your life. Go fulfill His Great Commission. Learn more about Him and never cease to worship Him all the days of your life.
